Lovers
This page is an extension of my Las Vegas Friends page, so the same criteria that apply to friends also apply to lovers (such as your being a Las Vegas local like me), but on this page I'll share more lover-specific details. In this case the purpose is to invite and pre-qualify women who may be interested in becoming lovers with me. If that doesn't interest you, there’s no point in reading this unless you’re a curious voyeur.
My previous exploration of openness was different than what I’m seeking now. In the past it was mainly short-term connections of a week or less, especially while traveling or with women who visited Vegas. Those were lovely and fun, but this kind of short-lived connection doesn’t interest me as much today.
These days I desire to explore some 4D connections with much more depth and intimacy. A 4D relationship means that we connect with our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits. My marriage is very 4D, and I'd love to invite and explore more 4D connections with other local women too, especially since I love variety and have the extra capacity for it. Every connection is unique. Obviously it takes a certain kind of person to be mature, open-minded, and flexible enough to want to explore intimacy in this way – it's not suitable for traditional-minded conformists.
This page exists to help the right women recognize me as a potential match for connecting and exploring in this way. If this info sparks significant resistance within you for whatever reason, it’s fair to conclude that you’re not a match, and I wish you well in finding aligned matches elsewhere. Please don't bother criticizing my preferences or lifestyle since it won't have any meaningful effect. I like what I like, I explore responsibility for the mutual benefit of all involved, and I'm happy to invite and explore more of this with the right people. I met my wife Rachelle and some other beautiful matches by being open and honest about my desires and interests. Regardless of how different your interests may be from mine, I likewise encourage you to be open and honest about inviting what you desire. That's good for you and good for the people who will recognize you as a match for them.
Key Qualifiers for Lovers
These are my key requirements for exploring this kind of connection. You’ll need to match ALL of the ones in this first section. If any of these snag you, you’re done and there’s no need to keep reading, even if you’re otherwise strongly interested. These are all important to me.
You’re a woman - I’m only interested in sharing this kind of exploration with women. I have many LGBTQ friends, and my wife is bisexual, but I am very straight. I have never and will never accept an invitation of this nature from a guy. While I know that most people are at least slightly bisexual, I am not, and I don't see that changing during this human lifetime. For me this isn't a choice; it's honoring my nature.
You live in Las Vegas or frequently visit it - I live in Vegas (in Summerlin) and like it here. I’m interested in long-term depth of connection with women I can invest in with some consistency. That means Vegas locals or frequent visitors. If you live in or near Summerlin, that's a plus but not essential.
You’re NOT a Trump supporter - Politically I'm an independent, but I don't invite Trump supporters into my inner circle or relationship life. There are numerous reasons for this, but the simplest is that I find them to be too dim, gullible (very low truth discernment), racist (due to supporting racist speech and policies), hateful, suspicious, dishonest, jaded, desperate, clueless, hopeless, and smelly – pretty much the opposite of attractive. This isn't for political reasons. It's personal. I like bright, intelligent, open-hearted women. I still send Trump supporters love from a distance, especially since they serve as a potent reminder of what I don't want to experience, which helps bounce me towards what I want to invite and create.
You’re available for this kind of exploration - If you don’t have enough space in your life to accommodate something like this, then obviously this isn’t for you. I work from home and usually have a flexible schedule, so I can fit this into my life with relative ease. I want to connect with women who will make this kind of exploration a high enough priority in their lives to actually make time for it and do it. If you're overly busy all the time or flaky, I'll be spending my time with someone else who's available.
You’re more attracted to men than to women - It's fine either way if you’re straight or bisexual (a little or a lot), but if you’re more into women than men in terms of sexual attraction, this invite isn’t for you. I think it’s fair to want to connect with a woman who has a natural attraction to male energy and male bodies, just as I have a strong attraction to women both physically and energetically.
You’re interested in exploring this with me personally - If your interest is just for some kind of exploration with a guy, but you’re not interested in exploring this with me specifically, you can stop now. I’m only interested in doing this with women who are choosing me. If you want to see what I look and sound like, feel free to pop over to my YouTube channel and check out one of my latest videos. If you care about height, I'm 6 feet, 0 inches tall, so taller than average for men.
You're cool with my age - I was born in 1971, so I'm in my 50s. If you're only interested in someone younger or older, then you don't need to continue. For me this is a fabulous decade of my life for this kind of exploration with women. I have way more experience and relationship understanding, including from two marriages, than I did when I was younger. I think most would agree that I look young for my age. I tend to feel even younger because vegans age more slowly, and I've been vegan for most of my life (ever since I was 25). I take good care of my health and exercise regularly. I tend to be especially good at endurance, but I also do running, strength training, and yoga. I ran the L.A. Marathon in 2000 and also trained in martial arts for four years (Tae Kwon Do and Kempo). I like being physically active.
You can commit to honesty - I’m very intuitive, and I like intuitive women, so dishonesty doesn’t make much sense because it will just trigger our Spidey senses, and we’ll know that something isn’t right. I’m not into harsh radical honesty though. I think honesty is very compatible with kindness.
You want to connect with a man who’s really into you on every level - This invite is only for women who want to be lovers on all levels – body, mind, heart, and spirit. That means we’re attracted to each other physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If you only want some of that but not all 4 dimensions, then none of this invitation applies to you. This invite is only for the true 4D matches out there, not for partial matches. I know those 4D matches exist because I've had great connections like that before, including with my wife and mate Rachelle.
You feel aligned with open, flexible, or non-traditional relationships - I’m not interested in someone who would merely tolerate my being in an open relationship. It’s important that you feel good about it. If you’re inexperienced in this are but you're curious and open to it, you can lean in and discuss it further with me. I've explored with women who’ve had partners, and it’s actually been easier than with single women because everyone is coming from a place of having their emotional needs already well-satisfied, so there's no worrying about clinginess. Admittedly it did take me a little while to fully get used to this because I didn’t start out this way in my relationship life. Today an unfenced relationship feels normal and natural to me, and I’m going through another expansion phase with respect to the openness aspect.
You’re not prone to jealousy or suspicion - I’m very honest and open, so the vibes of jealousy and suspicion just don’t fit. I need a woman who won’t try to inject that kind of energy into my life.
You like yourself and have high self-esteem - Self-loathing doesn’t appeal. I like anti-fragile connections, and that's only possible among people with decent self-esteem. If you don't like yourself or you keep putting yourself down, I'll believe your assessment and connect with someone who likes herself instead.
You’re bright and intelligent - You have a keen, sharp mind. A sharp wit is much appreciated too. There are many forms of intelligence though – emotional, musical, creative, social, etc. It's especially delightful to connect with a woman who's smart or knowledgeable in ways that are different from me.
You can communicate well - I appreciate women who can share their thoughts and feelings with decent clarity. That said, I can be very accommodating if English isn’t your primary language. We do need to be able to understand each other though. A lot can be communicated through touch, tone of voice, and body language, but a good command of words matters to me too.
You enjoy being sexually submissive - I love to lead. I really love being called Master. If you can’t go there, you can eject now. Yeah it's a kink, but it's my #1 favorite turn-on. This doesn’t mean you have to be submissive all the time, but if you’re never willing to play together in that way, then you’re not for me. This has to be something you truly enjoy (or are curious enough to explore), if only because it turns me on like nothing else. In practice it’s very simple and fun. Now if you say something like, “You can do anything you want with me; I’m yours to fully enjoy,” my jaw will drop and then I’m going to enjoy the heck out of you. Once you get to know me, I think you’ll find it very easy to turn me on when you’re in the mood to play together.
Your intuition is saying yes to this - Trust your intuition whatever it tells you. I’m going to trust mine.
You enjoy oral sex - You love giving blowjobs or are willing to learn. If you want to receive, you’ll need to stay nicely groomed or shaved down below. I love giving and receiving, but I’m not into licking hair. If you’re inexperienced, my wife will likely be happy to teach you if you're nice to her. She’s incredible. Or I can help bring you up to speed. Building skill in this area will surely put some smiles on your future partners’ faces too.
You enjoy physical affection - I love affection and only want to explore with very touch-friendly women. Touch communicates so much. I especially love long, slow kisses. If you’re not physically affectionate, you’re not a match for me.
You’re not obese - Some extra padding is fine, but if you’re very overweight, I’d disqualify you for health and compatibility reasons. I generally prefer women who are into fitness, especially yoga or dancing, because they tend to have more positive, healthy energy.
You’re a nonsmoker - Cannabis is fine if you're into it, but not nicotine (smoking or vaping).
You want an ongoing connection, not just a one-time fling - Let’s start with the intention to really connect and explore deeply together. I’m not inviting one-night stands here. Obviously we’ll need to explore a bit first to see if there’s a spark, especially a multi-dimensional spark. But if you just want to sleep around a bunch semi-randomly, I’m not interested in being another notch for you. That said, I don't need exclusivity and can't offer that anyway.
You can take care of yourself financially - If you’re looking for a sugar daddy, you won’t find one here. Nor do I need a sugar mama.
You’re ready and willing to have a positive sexual relationship with a man - There are no unforgiven, unhealed trust wounds or resentments holding you back from this kind of exploration.
You're courageous enough to do this - I understand and respect that it can take some courage to accept this kind of invite (or even to lean into it) if you’re a match for it. It takes courage for me to share all of this too, but I find courage pretty normal and natural. I love it when a woman can meet me in the space of courage, and then we can build from there. I can’t see myself living without courage being an essential part of my life. Courage is the gateway to love, trust, and joy because we must exercise courage to step away from whatever isn’t vibing with love, deepening trust, and bringing us joy. If you engage with me in a relationship exploration, these vibes will surely be a big part of your life if they aren’t already.
You’re sensibly open and adventurous but not reckless - I’m not interested in messing up my life or existing relationships (especially my marriage) with excess drama. I love to explore and have new experiences, and I definitely have a playful and adventurous side, but I also like to be risk-aware and reasonable, and I want partners with similar standards. I exercised my self-destructive side sufficiently when I was a teenager. Today I have a healthy and balanced relationship with my wild side. I want you to be able to flex and explore your wild side too, but let's keep it sane and healthy too.
Becoming lover-friends appeals to you - I don't really want lovers that I can't also be close friends with. I use the word "Lovers" on this page deliberately since I really like love, and I find it easy to share loving, caring energy with an open heart. I don't feel any need for exclusivity when it comes to love, caring, and depth of connection. Exploring lust without love doesn't appeal, but the combo is sweetly delicious. Lover-friend invites a spectrum of delightful possibilities, always by mutual consent. With the right women, I'm willing to consent to a lot.
You want to be a generous lover with a generous lover - A big part of this involves giving and receiving pleasure and sharing intimacy. Do you want more of that in your life?
Preferences
These are preferences of mine (“nice to haves”) but not crucial.
Raw foods - I love to eat mostly raw foods at home since it gives me the best energy and sensitivity. It would be lovely to connect with a woman who shares this interest. If you’re fully raw, mostly raw, or raw curious, all of that is extra attractive to me. I often find that sex feels better when I eat raw too; it opens up more frequencies of perception, especially on the emotional and spiritual side. I remember going to Raw Spirit Fest many years ago and finding so many women there highly attractive because of their vibrant energy, regardless of their age or looks.
Star Trek - My wife and I are both big Star Trek nerds. Being inspired by how people lived and worked so harmoniously together on the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation inspired many of my values and my approach to work. It’s one reason I haven’t had a job since 1992 and why I often think of myself as an explorer. I love connecting with women who are into Star Trek too, or at least who are open to alternative lifestyle models that aren't so caged and limiting.
The Princess Bride - This is my all-time favorite movie, and I love quoting it. If it’s high up on your list too, how marvelous. I loved the book as well.
Meet for cuddles the first time - Touch communicates so much, so when we meet in person the first time, I’d love to cuddle while we talk and get to know each other. If that’s a little too fast for you, we can take it slower and warm up to it. I’m super comfortable sharing touch from the beginning. I take it as a sign that a woman has good intuition if she’s up for sharing cuddles the first time we meet. With a cuddle-chat, there are more layers of communication, so it's a way for me to get to know you more intimately. I also love being touched, which tends to really open my heart and make me melt into you. Head scratchings are a huge favorite if you really want to turn me into a puddle.
Take it slow - While I can go fast with someone when there’s good chemistry, I usually prefer to go slow. Enjoy some loving caresses and cuddles. Build some heart and spirit connection. Get to know each other. Then do some light kissing when we’re ready. My best connections have always been anti-fragile. There’s no need to rush, and it can be so much fun to build up some sexual tension for a little while first. I tend to need time to figure out if I’m really attracted to a woman sexually. It’s really not based on her appearance, and I can't easily discern it from a distance. I need to be in her presence, feel her energy, and get an intuitive read on her. Usually I need to engage in some form of touch to really know. With some women I still don’t know for sure till we kiss. Kissing tends to be very potent for me. It tells me if my body is interested in going further with someone. I’d like to avoid overcommitting to anything before seeing if we have good mutual chemistry first. Sometimes attraction isn’t symmetrical, and that’s okay.
You’re open to exploring cannabis and/or psychedelics together at some point - This isn’t essential, but it is something I’m into. It’s not a daily thing for me, but I have slotted this type of exploration into my life very nicely. I mainly love to explore in the micro- and mini-dosing range as opposed to doing major trips. Lately I’ve been doing some fascinating explorations on the creative and spiritual sides. I’d love to open up more social explorations of this nature too. I’ve done ayahuasca, lots of mushrooms, and MDMA so far. I often like the combo of mushrooms and cannabis. Most weeks I do some kind of experimenting along these lines, and I’ve built a lot of trust with these energies. I'm okay exploring with women who aren’t into this because a woman’s energy is like a psychedelic to me anyway – endlessly fascinating when it’s a strong match. But for a woman who's open to it, I'd love to explore connecting with each other and some psychedelic energies too, like taking MDMA together or do a cozy cannabis-cuddle session. For me these substances can open up more sensitivity and add more layers to an already beautiful experience. I'm very good at exploring responsibly here because I have tremendous respect for these energies.
Non-drinker - I’m not into drinking alcohol much these days, so don’t expect to share a lot of drinks together. Very occasionally I might have something, like at a social event, but it’s just not the kind of energy I tend to like these days. My path has been leading me towards greater sensitivity, and alcohol tends to do the opposite. I also value my health. I have explored things like wine and whiskey tasting in the past, and I can still appreciate such sensory experiences now and then, but for the most part I’d rather keep that kind of exploration in my rear view mirror. Psychedelics are so much more fascinating to me these days and so much safer.
Early riser connections - I'm a morning person and love to get up at 5am and exercise. I tend to have the best energy in the mornings. When the situation calls for it, such as while traveling or attending a late-night event (like an Area 15 dance party), I can temporary switch to staying up late, but being an early riser is my natural default. I always thought it would be fun to connect with an early riser woman too. Even getting together at 6am or 7am would be easy and appealing to me, but that isn't a requirement by any means.
Non-Issues
These are non-issues for me. They might matter to some people, but not to me.
Your race or skin color - Variety is beautiful.
Your sexual or relationship experience - Whether you’re very experienced or inexperienced, there’s interesting potential either way. Teaching someone who's inexperienced can be fun, as can enjoying connecting with someone with abundant experience. Everyone is different, so it's always going to be a fresh exploration with each new person anyway.
Your body type - Other than not being obese and maintaining good hygiene, I’m not super sensitive to body types or physical looks. I find that physical attraction and chemistry aren’t so easily predictable for me. What turns me on more than anything else is how a woman’s energy and my energy interact when we’re together. That isn’t really a choice. In that regard my body tends to have a mind of its own with respect to what it finds appealing about a woman.
Your income or net worth - Broke or rich doesn't matter to me. This kind of exploration is free.
Your relationship status - It’s fine if you’re single or already involved with one or more people, including if you're married. I won’t be a party to any lying or deception though, so it’s important that if you're in a committed relationship with someone else, they at least need to know that you’re exploring with me (or with "someone" in general), especially if it would be an issue for them if they were surprised by it later. It's okay if you and your partner have a "don't ask; don't tell" policy in your relationship though.
Introvert or extrovert - I like both and find it equally easy to connect with either. I usually lean towards my extroverted side, but I enjoy and appreciate my more introverted days too. I like having a balance.
If you’re a celebrity - This isn’t an issue for me either way. I can be cool with it and keep it between us. I have many celebrity friends, especially famous authors and speakers in the self-development field, and also some who’ve worked in film. I know some that are in alternative relationships, but it isn’t known to the public. They know they can trust me with their secrets. I feel especially fortunate to have a lot of Internet fame due to blogging and my book being published all around the world, enough that it opens many doors but not so much that it interferes with my desired lifestyle. Sometimes I get recognized in public, and those are usually pleasant interactions. I've had some issues with obsessive fans from time to time but luckily nothing too extreme... enough though that it helps me relate well with others who are in the public eye a lot. For such women I can offer a lovely sanctuary of connection and exploration away from all of that. If you want to make our connection public, that’s up to you, but I don’t need or expect that. Obviously I’m already open about my interests and explorations, and my livelihood isn’t so vulnerable to public flogging. I don’t need anything from your celebrity side or fame.
Stuff I’m Not Into
These kinds of experiences in this section simply don’t interest me. It’s fine if you’re into them, but don’t expect me to connect with you in these ways.
Pain - I have zero interest in causing anyone pain, even if they receive pleasure from it. I love D/s play, but I’m not into sadism or masochism.
Drama - I'd define “drama” as your having problems and misalignments that cause me unwanted problems. If your life is a real mess, please don’t expect me to be your fixer or commiserator. My life is very flowing, healthy, abundant, and vibrant, and I prefer to engage with stable, like-vibing women who have their acts together. I don't do train wrecks.
Dwelling in vibes like anger, depression, anxiety, fear, worry, etc. - I have a strong commitment to keeping my vibes up, and I prefer to connect with others who’ve made a similar commitment. My default state of being is chill and relaxed yet engaged, and I can also be very upbeat, lively, enthusiastic, and curious when connecting with someone in person. I’m not prone to getting sucked into lower vibes.
Therapy - I’m not anyone’s therapist. If you want therapy or healing, you're free to get that elsewhere. I don’t need you to be my therapist or healer either. That said, there can be some beautiful shifting, releasing, and opening happening from sharing in this kind of exploration together. But I don’t want to explore in this way with women who feel they’re broken and need fixing. If you need to heal or repair your feelings towards men, for instance, do that before you reach out to me.
Manipulation - I’m very intuitive so can generally spot manipulative intentions and agendas from a mile away. Such people have no chance of making inroads with me.
Anal play - Never tried it. Never see myself ever wanting to try it. Not my thing. It’s fine if you’re into it, just not with me.
MMF experiences - I love threesomes but only the MFF kind. I’m very into women and don’t find it appealing to mix it up with male energy. It’s fine if you want to explore such experiences with other guys. You can tease me about this proclivity if you want; Rachelle often likes to.
Bondage or ropes - I’ve explored this in the past, but it’s not my thing. Too much work. I don’t have a Shades of Grey setup and don’t want one. Collars or chokers for you though? Definitely yes. I like lazy kink.
Religion - Twelve years of Catholic school was enough for me. I love to explore at the spirit level, but I have no need for any religion getting in the way. The spirit level makes it very clear that all human religions just loop us back into the matrix anyway. Religion is basically a ruse, and we graduate to a new relationship with life and reality when we recognize it as such.
Dating before sex - Going on dates together is fun, but I never go on audition-style dates. When I go on a date, I want to have fun and enjoy the connection we’ve already been building. I only want to do that with women that I know I like and connect really well with, including sexually. Why would I ever want to date someone before seeing what kind of chemistry we have together? That whole approach makes no sense to me. Sure we can warm up lightly and meet at a public place first. I often prefer that too since I need to safely filter out stalker-types and women I just don’t vibe with. Due to being a public figure to some extent, I like to take precautions for my own safety more than any woman would have cause to worry about being safe with me.
Swinging - One old friend used to call Rachelle and me swingers, even though we’ve never actually done that. We’ve had plenty of threesomes with different women but we’ve never done a couple swap. I’ve talked at length with some people who are really into the lifestyle, but it has always felt like a partial match to me. Rachelle and I are both selective regarding the kinds of people we’re willing to intimately engage with, and we both value creating a good connection with someone first, not just sex with random partners. Neither of us are willing to "take one for the team" so the other can have a good time.
Limiting labels - I’m not a big fan of labels like polyamorous since I find them too limiting. If I have to pick a label, I prefer a very flexible one like open. I like lover too since it has “love” as its root. Trying to reduce real 4D experiences to labels just doesn’t work well. Each connection is unique.
Stuff I Am Into
D/s play - Read my article Getting Started with D/s Play if you want to learn more about what I like. My version of D/s play is light, fun, and gentle but quite different from how I've seen others play in this space. I never get bored of Master-slave roleplaying. I love giving commands and seeing what happens. Partly this involves stretching myself to see if I can invite more and receive more because that's often harder for me than giving. I'm definitely not a switch though; the only role I like is being the Master. That's where all the fun and edginess is for me. If a woman doesn't want to play in this way, we can still cuddle, kiss, and do other things, but I probably wouldn't feel inspired to sleep with her. I'm just so keenly aware of what I like and what turns me on best.
Love abundance - I like love and find it very easy to love. To me love and abundance go hand in hand. It feels as natural to me to have multiple lovers as it does to have multiple friends. I never seem to feel jealous or possessive. Why should I? All of my emotional needs are well met and then some. I never feel lonely either since I’m very content with my own company. I know all of my human relationships are temporary, so I want to invite, experience, enjoy, and appreciate them as much as I can. I see it as very advantageous to a woman to get involved with me if she resonates with abundance too since she doesn't need to worry about clinginess, neediness, or unwanted attachment from me. I don't need anything from her because I already feel whole and complete on my own, and I'll have other partners to turn to for that whenever I want, including my wife.
Cuddling - I really am a cuddleslut. I love any kind of touch. It's the main way I like to express and receive love. I especially like women who love to be held. One of my favorite experiences is to cuddle with two women at once, one in each arm. That is just bliss incarnate. After-sex cuddles are pretty much a must for me – the oxytocin release is so good for bonding and makes me feel even happier and more contented afterwards.
Affection - I’ve enjoyed a touch-rich and affection-rich life for many years now, and I love it. I tend to be very oral, loving to nibble and kiss a lot. If you don't like being playfully nibbled on, you aren't a match. I especially love planting kisses all over a woman's neck. Beyond that I love having unfettered access to a woman's body to be as affectionate with her as I want, and I'll easily grant her the same access to my body. I never grow tired of this kind of sensual pleasure.
Threesomes (MFF only) - This can be trickier for getting the chemistry right, but it can be very yummy too. I was surprised by how loving and heart-opening the experience can be. I've had many threesomes, both with Rachelle and with two other women, and it's a very unique experience each time. I especially love multi-person massages, giving and receiving. It's so lovely to take such good care of each other in this way, and the afterglow from a good experience can last for days. It requires some delicacy to do it well, but it's such a treat with the right people who can open their hearts to each other in this way. It's not like what you might see in a porn video (which tends to be overly yang without much yin energy). In my experience it's best when it's slow, tender, caring, and playful – even giggly at some points. After all, from the perspective of aliens, it's a pretty silly and ridiculous thing for our human bodies to do together. It's so good for getting out of our heads and into our hearts though. In this area I really do feel shameless. Back when I was on Twitter, I once tweeted to more than 30,000 followers: I <3 <3 <3 threesomes. while I was giving a talk in front of a live audience at a dating summit. I could say it was to prove I had no resistance to it, but I didn't need to prove it. I knew no one would object or try to shame me, and no one did. The next day at the event, I was on the agenda again shared the Twitter feedback people had posted. It's really amazing how much sex-related shame, fear, and guilt we can hold on to that we no longer need. We are sexual beings through and through; otherwise we wouldn't even be here.
Sensitivity - I love to keep developing my inner senses, so I can perceive ever more clearly through intuitive channels. This is one reason I’m vegan and favor raw foods; it really opens up the inner senses. I regard psychedelics as akin to lenses for the inner senses; they help me see with greater resolution, much like using a microscope or telescope to augment our human eyes. I especially love connecting with highly intuitive women with well-developed inner senses.
Trust - I know I’m trustworthy, honest, and very heart-aligned in my desire to connect, so if a woman finds it difficult to trust me or my intentions here, I know she’s not a good match since she’s clearly not very intuitive. Otherwise she’d read me more accurately, knowing that I’m on her side. Or she might have some other blocks preventing her from connecting, in which case it’s best for her to honor the path her spirit is guiding her along. Filtering for high-trust women helps me find good matches. It opens up so many other beautiful frequencies of connection when we can recognize each other as kindred spirits, knowing that high-trust relationships are so perfect and natural for us.
Geeky women - I so love women with a geeky or nerdy side. My wife considers herself a sapiosexual, finding intelligence to be a big turn-on (and the lack thereof a turnoff). I’m not sure if that label applies to me though; I think it depends on the person. But I do feel that for a really good mental connection (which is part of a 4D connection), we need to be able to geek out about something together now and then. I feel so ready to invite more connections with women who share some of my curious interests, passions, hobbies, etc.
Protecting you - Maybe it’s just part of my nature, but I love making women feel safe, secure, and protected. I live in a safe neighborhood in a safe part of town (Summerlin), and I only do these explorations by mutual consent, so those aspects have been easy to get right. I also recognize that socially and reputation-wise, this kind of exploration can be harder for women because of the unrealistic Catch-22 expectations society places upon you. I’m very much on your side in protecting you in that regard too, including doing my best to keep private what you want to keep private. These days this really hasn’t been an issue. While I'm publicly open about my interests and desires, I don't require that of the women who connect with me.
PDAs - I enjoy public displays of affection with women who also like it, especially holding hands. I can tone it down if that’s not your thing or if you’re concerned about being recognized in public, but I do find it very easy and natural.
Kindness - I especially love how women tend to amplify my kindness, compassion, and my tender side.
Courage - I love courage, which has saved me from a lot of past troubles. And I respect acts of courage from others. I acknowledge that it takes some courage to reach out and connect with me if you see the appeal. Women who don't have sufficient courage will talk themselves out of it, and that's all well and good because there is an important courage filter in place here. I'm not a good fit for someone who's too timid to reach out and invite a dialogue about this. I often think of courage as the ability to trust our intuitive senses and follow our hearts, even when our mind isn't sure about how things could work out. I constantly have to summon some courage to follow what I'm curious about, and I need a woman who feels similarly. In this case I've done what I can to make it easy for you since I'm publicly broadcasting that I'm open to receiving new connection invites from women.
Unlimited access to your body - One of the best gifts I can receive from a woman is to be granted unrestricted access to her body when we’re alone together – to touch her, feel her, taste her, arouse her, mate with her, and fully enjoy her as I desire. That kind of blanket consent (“My body is yours to enjoy and appreciate fully.”) is beautiful to experience since then I feel free to explore my natural sensual and sexual instincts without having to hold back. I'm happy to grant the same access when the trust is there. I've learned a lot about myself (and partners too) by having this kind of access and getting to see what I actually do when I let my instincts flow freely. It's wonderful.
Travel - I love to travel and have been to about 15 countries so far (mostly in Europe). Rachelle really loves traveling too. We've done solo trips but usually travel together. I'm open to having travel adventures with friends and lovers if they're highly compatible, and if they get along well with Rachelle if we all go somewhere together. That would take a special kind of person since Rachelle and I are selective, and some people just don't make good travel companions.
Amusement parks - I grew up within an hour's drive of many major amusement parks: Disneyland, Universal Studios, Magic Mountain, Universal Studios Hollywood, and Knott's Berry Farm. I've been to all of them many times. I've probably spent about 100 days of my life at Disneyland so far, including going for 30 days in a row in 2016 (so glad I did that before the pandemic when no advance reservations were needed). To this day Rachelle and I still often get annual passes to Disneyland, and during those years we'll go there several times a year for 3-5 days at a time, the best being at Xmas time when all the holiday decorations are up and the vibe at the parks is especially fun and festive. I never grow tired of spending some days each year outdoors with lots of people having fun and celebrating life. So if this sort of experience appeals to you, and if you maintain a healthy relationship with your inner child, then that's another way we could have fun together. It's only a 4-hour drive from Vegas to Disneyland. One of my Bucket List goals is to go to every major Disney park in the world. There are 12 of them, and I've been to 6 so far (all of the USA ones). I still need to do the ones in Paris, Shanghai, Hong Kong, and Tokyo (2). Do you want to come along for any of those? One thing I like about Disney parks is that they're pretty vegan friendly too.
Women who find me attractive - I've had very good experiences with women who found me attractive on some level and reached out to me to further explore their intuition and feelings about me. Some of those women read my blog for a while first, so they already got to know a lot about me and my interests and personality. That's how I met my wife Rachelle. She found my blog and recognized me as a kindred spirit, and it all worked out beautifully even though we initially lived in different countries. It's ridiculous how strongly compatible we are. Because I've had good experiences with women who found me through my online work and pre-qualified me to some extent, I tend to trust women who choose me before I've even met them. This approach is perhaps unique to my situation, but I like how well it flows.
A spirit-aligned approach to relationships - I see all of us as fellow spirits (like individual fingers of life energy) exploring in this human realm together. When we die, we'll fold our lessons back into spirit space and continue on with other modes of existence and exploration. Sometimes it gets a bit crazy and chaotic here on earth, but our spirits are strong and can handle whatever life throws at us. It's all good and all to serve our collective growth. I think of aligned relationship partners as spirt companions or members of my greater spirit family. I want my relationship life on earth to model what I sense about these spirit-level connections. For me they don't fit cleanly into objectified models like traditional monogamy. Sometimes a woman comes into my life where we both feel a strong spirit-level yes regarding spending time together and getting involved. Those connections can be so beautiful and powerful, and they can take a variety of forms. It's especially wonderful when being co-lovers is part of it. Then it feels like we're serving as spirit-level gifts for each other, just by being in each other's presence. I know there are more women who will flow into my life in this manner because I've already been sensing their energy pinging me on the spirit side. Now I feel ready to open the door on the human side and actively invite more of those connections. I trust these signals, especially since they've been so strong and clear lately.
My Rules & Expectations
Respect my relationship with Rachelle - I'm happily married, I love Rachelle very much, and I cherish our relationship. She is my mate – my one true mate for life just to be ultra-clear about that. Any woman that wants to be involved with me needs to respect, honor, and actually love that about us. If you're only willing to tolerate our situation, that's not nearly good enough; you need to genuinely love it. If you interact with Rachelle, you must be nice to her, and you must make a sincere effort to befriend her, including telling her that you would really love to become good friends with her (if that's aligned for you). That's all I require. It's up to her if she accepts your offer of friendship; if she senses anything off about you and doesn't feel good about my continuing to connect with you, then you and I need to be done. She's first in my life – no ifs, ands, or buts about that. It's been my experience that when I connect with other women, it greatly strengthens how I feel about Rachelle too. I'd also love to help her make more compatible female friends, and she's very open to that as well. Our relationship is super strong, and it works beautifully. We are open. We know that this expansive, energy-stirring, delicious sparky openness (as opposed to cocooning) is very right for us, but we are neither vulnerable to nor interested in having our bond poked, prodded, or tested. That said, I welcome your delicious energy into our lives. If you're a match, you are really, really going to love it as we welcome you inside fully and completely and with no resistance, no shame, no fear, no guilt, no competition, no need for validation, and no need for any other misaligned vibes. Just lots and lots of bliss. Do feel feel you deserve to experience that yet? Can you invite and welcome it into your life, just as I'm doing now?
Everything is by mutual consent - This ought to go without saying, but I only want to explore in the space of mutual desire and willingness. If there's something I want to explore but you're not into it, I can simply explore it with someone else.
No shaming - I'm very curious, open-minded, and accepting of people's diversity, and I expect women that I connect with to agree not to shame each other’s sexual interests, desires, fetishes, or history. If it turns out we aren't very compatible, we can go our separate ways and still wish each other well.
Room for forgiveness - Mistakes can happen on the human level. A good anti-fragile connection allows room to forgive honest mistakes and make corrections. For minor issues that may pop up, let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Being discrete - By default we agree to guard each other’s privacy and keep our explorations to ourselves. I’m not going to share the specifics about our connection or your identity online or through my work, although I may share how such explorations are affecting me. If, however, you are interested in sharing about some aspect publicly, I may be open to that, as long as you’re not stirring up unwanted drama for me.
Rachelle needs to know - I’m not going to hide the existence of other connections from her. You don’t necessarily have to meet her if you prefer not to. However, most women I’d have a good connection with would surely appreciate and enjoy her company and friendship too. Plus she loves being included. And she’s awesome.
Conscious, compassionate separation - If either of us decides it’s time to move on from connecting in this way, we agree to let the other know (no ghosting or other immature behavior), and we agree to let go and not chase. Let’s do our very best to disengage gracefully, compassionately, and with kindness towards each other. I respect that this can be a delicate and sensitive type of exploration. All human-level explorations are temporary. It’s okay to let go when one or both of us is ready to do so. If we had a great connection together, I may miss you afterwards, but that’s on me to process. I know that someone else will flow through when I’m ready for her. I have no sense of neediness in this area.
Skip the lame games - I love flirting and enjoy good-natured teasing, but I’m not into emotionally manipulative push-pull dynamics (such as “negging”) that knock people off balance or make them doubt themselves. Just be real with me. I can open my heart to a woman quickly if she’s amenable. I'm happy and delighted to take the lead, but I need your consent, and I want you to tell me if the pacing isn’t right for you.
No pet hair - I don't have pets. If you do then it's important to never come over covered in pet hair. I don't want that getting spread around my car or home since I tend to be allergic to it.
Words of affirmation - I tend to love words of affirmation like saying “I like you” or “I really enjoy spending time with you." My wife and I do that all the time. We normally say “I love you” or similar positive phrases many times per day. So I’m very used to that. Affirming that I like someone is very easy and natural to me. It’s okay if you’re not as into it, but I love to verbally gush over women that I like.
No sexy time without high-trust and strong chemistry - I need to know I can trust you first, and I need to see if we have good chemistry together. Then we can co-create beautiful, emotionally expressive, spiritually engaged sexual experiences that would make pornstars envious.
Referrals - If you're looking for other partners too, and I come across a potentially good match for you, I'm happy to link you up. Or if your ultimate goal is to find a husband, perhaps I can help you with that as well, especially since I've been a husband twice. Additionally, if you meet or know someone whom you sense might make a great friend or lover for me, I'd appreciate your introducing us. I want us to agree to cooperatively support each other's highest good, ongoing growth, and social abundance. I want my presence in your life to be very good for you all around. Connecting with me ought to be a big net gain for you.
Purpose & Benefits
Pleasure - Sometimes it’s really nice to just melt into the experience of receiving pleasure from an attentive lover.
Stimulation and happiness - In addition to the physical stimulation, exploring with a lover can be emotionally stimulating, opening up more motivation and creative flow. While some people get tired after sex, I usually find it energizing. I feel notably happier afterwards, and that afterglow can sometimes last for days. Connecting with a woman’s energy is like a psychedelic experience for me, whether it’s a micro, mini-, or macro-dose. A good lover adds some delightful sparkle to life, each one in a unique way.
Abundance and variety - I love experiential richness. The right stable partners can create a nice balance of variety and stability without unnecessary chaos and drama.
Discovery - Every conscious partner is a unique adventure of growth, learning, and connection. Each one is a gift in her own way.
Experience - In cultures where we lack tribal ceremonies to consciously introduce us to sexuality, moving into this space can be jarring and difficult. Trust wounds are common. Yet we all come from a long line of ancestors who’ve had plenty of sex. One way or another, it’s wise to get in the game and start building experience. We all have much to learn from each other. Even relatively inexperienced people have much to share and teach once they become comfortable enough (and have the mutual consent) to allow their natural instincts to surface and flow freely. Our bodies and hearts know what to do when we can relax our overactive minds.
Improve future relationships - Gaining more experience as a lover will surely benefit you and your partners in future relationships too.
Stay in practice - Communication skills, relationship skills, and sexual skills all atrophy without regular practice. Instead of having to awkwardly reboot yourself in these areas when a new potential partner comes along, you can keep your relating skills sharp, so that when a new partner shows up, perhaps even someone that you think may be “The One,” you can deftly glide into a new connection with good momentum.
Vibrational alignment - Not having regular sex and having regular sex are very different modes vibrationally. It can help a lot to get into the flow of connecting romantically and sexually as you work through any alignment issues that show up. You can work on some of them with the same partner while other issues may require multiple partners to unpack. This is much better for getting aligned with quality matches than just playing solo or not at all.
Lighten up - In the USA in particular, people can be uptight about romance and sex compared to other cultures. In the USA we’re exposed to many conflicting messages about sex, sometimes demonizing it and sometimes flaunting it (especially for advertising purposes). Sexual relationships needn’t be so complicated though – they can be lighter and simpler. The happiest people in this space tend to slough off misaligned social conditioning and find their own paths. This takes courage but is immensely liberating.
Depth - This is a chance to explore in the deeper 4D side of the pool, not just the shallow end. There are so many delicious ways for us to connect with body, mind, heart, and spirit fully engaged.
Warmth - Do you want a warm, connected, and engaged life... or a cold, disconnected, and disengaged one? I've explored both, and the warm path is for me.
Health - Sex is beneficial for our health and longevity. It improves our sleep and our immune system functioning. It reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and cancer. It reduces stress and pain. Sex can be good exercise too, which unlocks even more benefits. Clearly the benefits of sex go way beyond procreation. Think of regular sex as an important positive health habit.
Confidence - Sex boosts confidence. And it boosts libido, which can be good for confidence as well.
Self-development - Getting engaged with romantic and sexual partners invites us into a tremendous amount of self-development. It will change you as a person. I found it especially delightful to discover what kind of sexual being I really felt in tune with becoming. It wasn’t what I initially expected. It was rich, complex, and multi-faceted – always dynamic and changing too, never completely predictable. Sexuality involves a lot of integration. You may think there are some aspects of yourself you need to shed or release in order to get into a healthy flow of sexual experiences, but I think it’s more likely that you’ll bring those aspects with you, discovering that they exist to teach you some valuable and worthwhile lessons.
Transitioning support - In my first marriage, shifting into an open marriage in our final year together was part of the process of transitioning out. It enabled me to consciously explore outside the previously monogamous relationship to see if the grass might be greener on the other side, and indeed it was. I’m very grateful to have had that experience because it helped me release so much stuckness and embrace new possibilities as we finally concluded it was time for us to separate and get divorced. In my current marriage, that dynamic isn’t present. We’ve been open from the start of our relationship, so the framing is about freedom, abundance, compersion, and strong compatibility while retaining the awesome benefits of couple-hood and marriage. I can easily see myself helping someone in a similar situation to where I was in my first marriage – someone who’s pondering a transition and who’d benefit by exploring with an open-minded partner to test the waters of change. I don’t seek to be a coach in this area (and definitely not a therapist), but I can feel aligned with helping someone have new experiences that can guide them to make a wise decision, as long as there’s no deception involved. It's hard to know what to do without leaning in and testing the new reality first. I'm grateful that someone helped me with that when I most needed it.
Fitness - Many people feel they need to get in shape before they can attract a good partner. But if you can get into the flow of relationship and sex partners as you are right now, you may find that they help you become healthier and fitter. Communicating burns calories. So does sex. Emotional eating can be replaced by richer social and relationship experiences. Consider that your body may be storing extra fat when it senses that you’re alone. What if spending more time alone signals to your body that you lack the the full support of your tribe, so you’d better store extra body fat just in case you must survive on your own for a while? Your body may find it easier to release some of that extra fat when it senses that you’re immersed in loving support, thereby concluding that you’re very safe. What if your body doesn’t trust disconnection, and in a low-trust situation, it will store more body fat just in case?
Crafting a new identity - New relationships are great for self-reinvention, especially when a partner can relate to you as the person you want to become, not who you’ve been. It’s common for people to change up their social circles and/or lovers when making other meaningful changes. A new lover invites a fresh start. Do you need someone to help you break away from a stale identity that no longer feels good to you? These kinds of connections invite us to do that for each other.
Raising your trust standards - Having positive romantic and sexual experiences can help us recover from old trust wounds. I had some trust wounds with women when I was younger, and other women helped to cure me of that. A kind, caring, generous lover can make up for a lot of past pain. Good people are out there if you’re open to receiving them. I intend to continue being such a person, inviting people into the world of high-trust relationships. Even if you've been shamed, hurt, or betrayed in the past, you can see that as an invitation to build resilience and clarity for what you want. It's an invitation to raise your trust standards. Such experiences helped me clarify that if a woman would try to shame me for honest mistakes or genuine differences, she's an asshole and not a match. I value and appreciate kindness, caring, and compassion in all partners. Dealing with past trust wounds helped me raise my standards, knowing that I needn't tolerate any assholes in my social circle and certainly not in my romantic and sexual life. We have a "no assholes" policy for Conscious Growth Club too, and it truly helps. High-trust relationships don't just happen for many people; we usually have to step up our standards to invite and receive them. They are so worth it though.
Releasing old limits - Sexual connections can really stretch our old comfort zones. They help us test whether old limits are still needed or whether we’re ready to move beyond them. I’m amazed at how many layers there are to this. Even when I think I have it figured out, I soon see that there’s more to release and more freshness to experience. I’ve come a long way from where I was in my 20s, but I still see plenty more growth ahead.
Adopting a more spirity model of relationships - On the surface it may seem that sex is mainly about the physical. Then you might discover the mental and emotional aspects too. I sense the presence of a powerful spirit level here too, one that’s always inviting us to dance with it. Even when doing deep meditation experiences boosted by psychedelics, I often feel attuned to the flow of sexual energy through the spirit world. Female-presenting spirit energies will often pop in and dance with me seductively or invite me into energy-level exchanges with them – all positive, nothing dark or draining. Others have shared about sexual energies and entities on the astral planes as well – if I recall correctly, Robert Monroe wrote about that in his book Far Journeys. I sense that human sexuality has strong spirit-level roots – in the forms of energy exchange and vibrational play. I’m especially keen to explore this level in combination with the physical, mental, and emotional levels, so I’d love to connect with women who share this interest and are open to exploring this together.
Get in Touch
If this type of connection interests you and you’d like to open a dialogue about it, just use my contact form and tell me about yourself and your interests and what resonates. It goes straight to me (no assistant or anything), so feel free to be as candid as you want.
- Steve
