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Last night I went through some pretty severe emotional detox. I started feeling incredibly angry, and I had to warn my family to steer clear of me. I wished I was still training in martial arts just so I could pummel something. I listened to a guided meditation before bed, and that helped — it relaxed me enough so I could fall asleep easily.
I woke up at 5am this morning feeling even more pissed off. I wasn’t angry at anything or anyone in particular. I was just angry at everything.
I went to the gym hoping that my workout would burn off some of this angry energy, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. I felt just as pissed after my workout as I did before. I was even looking for an excuse to blow up at someone. I kept looking at other guys at the gym, thinking to myself, “Would you please come over and pick a fight with me, so I can justify unloading all this pent-up anger on your face? Please… just give me a reason.” I think it would have felt really good to beat the hell out of someone, but without provocation, it probably would have come across as slightly rude.
On some level all this anger actually feels good. It makes me feel strong, like I’m exploding with energy. I certainly had a strong workout this morning. I can see why the Sith like it so much.
I have a Toastmasters meeting tonight. I’m not sure what my role is, but I think I’m going to be an evaluator. That would be a pretty unusual evaluation if I’m still feeling like I do now: “That was the worst speech I ever heard in my entire life. I know I’m supposed to be encouraging, so I encourage you to forget about speaking and go apply for a job with GM. Trust me — you’ll feel much more secure there.”
Perhaps I should skip the meeting if I’m still feeling this way tonight. Or maybe I could sign up to give a speech myself. How about “10 Reasons You Should Never Do a Juice Feast”? 😉
Fortunately, Erin and I are taking most of the day off to do a spa day. We scheduled this about a week ago.
Hopefully some time in the sauna, steam room, and a professional massage will help calm me down. Some kind of bodywork is recommended during a juice feast, but until now I haven’t taken that recommendation seriously.
I just hope the masseuse’s hands don’t catch fire when she touches me.
My mind, body, and emotions feel like they’re in a state of chaos on this juice feast. I can’t predict how I’m going to feel each day in advance, so it’s hard to plan any activities for more than a few hours at a time. For example, I was going to work on an email interview this morning, but I don’t think I should do that while I’m feeling so pissed off… although it might be funny to read my answers afterwards.
As if anyone really cares, I weighed 171.0 this morning for a net loss of 8.0 pounds in 23 days. It seems like I’ve been around this same level for a week now. What the hell is that about?
Despite yesterday’s whiny post, I’m not going to quit the juice feast. Now I’m too pissed off to quit. Either I make it the whole 92 days, or I self-destruct big time. My family can just deal with it.
Time to go make my juice for the day. I’m going to beat those veggies to a pulp.