Do you ever get invitations that are vibrationally (or emotionally) out of sync with what you’d like to experience?
Do you get invited to boring events when you’re in the mood for some excitement?
Do you get invited to tediously slow experiences when you’d prefer faster pacing?
Do you get invitations that feel obligatory when you find freedom and flexibility more appealing?
Do you get sucked into disempowering invitations (like a pity party or whinefest) when you’re shifting into empowerment mode?
Why does this happen? Why do you get invitations like this?
The answer is pretty simple: You haven’t seriously opted out of them. You haven’t educated people to stop sending you those invites. People are inviting you because you’re letting them invite you.
During my 20s I used to get plenty of misaligned invitations. People would invite me to events that seemed disempowering, obligatory, slow, boring, tedious, and blah. The problem was that I kept saying yes to them. Even begrudgingly I’d still agree to show up now and then. I’d endure the events. I’d tolerate the invites. I trained people to feel okay with continuing to invite me or to feel entitled to obligate me.
At some point I finally realized how foolish that was and that it was just going to be endless if I didn’t make some changes. If I was running this ridiculous pattern in my 20s, I’d still be doing it in my 30s, 40s, and beyond if I didn’t cut it loose. So I updated expectations, first for myself and then by communicating them to others. I opted out of those mismatched invitations.
I prepared myself for a negative response, figuring it would eventually blow over and then I’d be free. All I needed to do was to get my message across. I didn’t need to get into long-winded explanations about it afterwards. And I didn’t need to own other people’s reactions.
And guess what happened? At first people squawked a little bit. And then they stopped inviting me – no more invites to hours-long boredomfests, no more obligatory rituals, no more disempowerment galleries to attend.
How long did it take? Oh… five or ten minutes to write an email and click send. Maybe I did that more than once for different people and situations.
How long does it take to write something like this?
After giving it some thought, I realize that these kinds of invitations are a mismatch for me. So I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t send me more invites like this. I appreciate that you’re thinking of me and would like to spend time together. I just don’t feel aligned with engaging in these kinds of experiences. Hope you understand.
That’s a very basic version, so of course you can embellish with more details if you want.
When you opt out from misaligned invites, you can finally invest in doing what it takes to get yourself invited to aligned experiences. You’ll want something to replace that emptiness. You can seek out playful, fun, ambitious, purposeful, and growth-oriented invites – or whatever appeals to you.
Now it’s hard to remember getting the kinds of misaligned invites that used to be plentiful in my 20s. People just gave up – because I instructed them to give up. Even if they continued for a while, I had already moved on and wasn’t planning to show up, so sooner or later they were going to surrender to that fact. That’s the key – people will usually surrender when they can sense your certainty.
Which is better? To show up grudgingly to misaligned experiences, not being fully present and wishing you were somewhere else? Or to show up with gratitude, appreciation, excitement, and positive anticipation for an experience you’re eager to share with people? Which is more caring and compassionate? Which is more intelligent?
Which type of invitations are you currently getting? You know why you’re getting them. And you know what to do to change them if you want.
Go where your appreciation wants to go. Leave the misaligned invitations in the past, so your present and future can be rich in aligned ones.